Letters! The City Council gets them. Oh boy do they ever.

p. 329. First up is some people from Comfort Cabs. They want to talk about wheelchair plate licenses – Comfort Cabs only gets two and they have 65 cars, while Radio Cab has 4 with a fleet of 20 plates. I say, that’s not cricket.

Next we have a clipping from Kansas about a Senate prayer. The usual one note intolerant blah about “alternate lifestyles” being perversion, worshipping of other gods aka multiculturalism, killing of the unborn, blah blah. Anyways, the letter writer has sent in this article, written by Americans, about the American government, in order to urge the City not to “destroy our Canadian heritage.”

p. 331 is another submitted article about “The Integrity of Race”. Excuse me, I think my ibuprofen has worn off.
Anyways, lol at people who say racist things and then demand apologies for calling them a racist. Like being called a racist is actually worse than being one. Anyways, I’m not going to waste my time reading this drivel, and neither should you.

p. 335 is a letter proposing a financial oversight committee consisting of volunteers, I think. It’s a little vague.

Next is a letter from someone with a sympatico.ca email. He’s written a book, of short stories about soldiers.

p 338 is an update on the Good Ship Saskatoon. HMCS Saskatoon! This is actually interesting.

Now a letter from Weldfab Ltd, supporting the Free and Fair Trade Act.

Some more noise bylaw exemption requests.

Hey, the Two Twenty is doing a complete streets demo on Sept 21st. I should investigate. Wait, that’s Park(ing) Day, so I’ll already be out and about.

p. 348: Development appeal. Some guy on Idylwyld is trying to cheap out on trees. Submit your comments to the City Clerk! Trees are what make HMCS Saskatoon beautiful.

More zoning appeals. Someone’s trying to build a giant pool. Not on my watch!

p. 351 is the citizen commenting on “issues with a tree”, as so neatly summarized by Anonymous Agenda Writer. Anyways, there is a poplar, and she thinks it is dying, and it will fall on her house and block her door, and she is just letting you know because her friend tripped on the sidewalk and broke her glasses but the City refused to pay for them since the City said “they weren’t aware of the problem” so she is just making a note about the tree in case it moves 1.5 metres or whatever. (I bet the riverbank residents are kicking themselves for not submitting a letter to council expressing concerns about slope failure a year ago.) I shouldn’t make fun of her, because the tree will fall on her house and then I’ll feel terrible.

OK, she got the letter notarized. Well.

page 354 is a letter about the “complete breakdown” of Circle Drive North. Hyperbole alert! It’s actually about people who block intersections on Circle Dr. N. I’m not sure what is worse, the ppl who sit in the intersection, or the left-hand-turners who force their way through (often without a clear view of oncoming traffic.) Anyways, we can all agree it’s a clusterfuck and yet everyone makes it home somehow, unless he is still sitting on Circle Drive. In which case, Mr Thomson, you can go home now. We release you from your duties.

p. 355 is a lengthy missive about an “unfortunate incident”. According to our man, his brother was sitting in the car when their meter expired. Enter parking enforcement, stage left. Parking enforcement informed said boy that if he plugged meter before he finished writing ticket, no ticket would be issued. Starts writing ticket. Boy plugs meter. Ticket issued anyways. Shenanigans!

OK, the attendant was being sort of a dick, but to be fair, why didn’t your brother plug the meter before he sat in the car? Anyways, the letter writer is a staff anesthesiologist, so let’s not piss him off, because we need these people on our doughty vessel.

Next letter is about unfair school zone lengths. Someone has to travel at 30 km/h for longer than they feel like! Anyways, you know my thoughts on this issue, the entire city should be a school zone. Especially if people continue to walk and text at the same time.

Next letter instructs the city administration to ask Calgary how they keep all their streets in good repair. Hm, I wonder where Calgary gets all that money from.

p. 358 is a letter requesting bus service removal in Holiday Park since it is a danger to children and nobody uses it. *coughs* Moving on…

Another letter about issues with a tree.

Next letter is about the North Industrial and how it is a “giant mess”. I am consistently amazed anyone manages to get to work in this city. According to our faithful correspondent, it takes 45 min to get from Faithful to Millar on Circle Drive. Now, if we had some decent sidewalks, Google Maps says you can walk it in 11 minutes. Anyways, the north end is “the stupidest design ever” especially if you are trying to get to work exactly at 8:30 am or leave work at 5 pm on the dot. Someone should think of these poor people who are unable to alter their schedule in any way whatsoever.

Next letter is demanding to know why he is not getting paid $500,000 to develop the master plan for the north end.

p. 362 is a letter about rent control. I have some opinions on this but it’s 5 am. Anyways, I empathize with this family.

Next letter is about countdown timers and why they should be installed on red light camera intersections so he knows how many seconds he has left to violate the law.

Someone wants the grass on the berm behind their house cut. Get in line.

p. 366 is the letter expressing concern about the Islamic centre. Hoo. Apparently the “Islamic children” were running and shouting on the street at 10-11 pm. Also her letter got a little garbled but basically she doesn’t like living beside the Islamic Centre since they celebrate Ramadan and killed her trees. Anyways there are some snazzy accompanying photographs, including license plates and suspicious parking activity. Obviously the City needs to take action immediately by approving a Youth Care Home to move into the neighbourhood.

Oh wow, they’ve excerpted the bylaws as well. I was wondering why this section was so long, and feared that the Broadway 360 plan was going to make a rather unwelcome re-re-re-appearance.

Some more diagrams drawn up by the helpful neighbours on how the Islamic Centre can rearrange its parking lot.

Annnnd a petition.

I have a modest proposal for the neighbours of the Islamic Cultural Centre. According to an earlier letter writer, when in Rome, one must do as the Romans do or move out. So, as I see it, she has two options:

1. Move out.
2. Do as the Romans do.

Now, the City has agreed that, indeed yes, this desecration and secularization of society has gone on too long. We must all stop this farce called “multiculturalism” and worship the One True God. Therefore, they have settled on Islam as the official religion of Saskatoon. True, Islam does not have as long of a history in this province as other religions, but it makes sense for the City budget – there’s an entire month that the City is not obligated to provide meal breaks for workers or refreshments at daytime meetings. I imagine this will lead to a widespread increase in the budget surplus. Also, the Muslim diet is healthy and prohibits the consumption of alcohol, which will save the Saskatoon Police Service millions of dollars, not to mention the attendant benefits to local business owners, families, and college students. All these and many more show why the Islamic faith is a good fit for the City of Saskatoon. I know not all citizens will be pleased with this decision, which is why I also propose that Regina be designated a Christian city, with Davidson as the place of pilgrimage for both faiths. There, Muslims and Christians can come together and fight over who gets to use the A&W bathrooms.

And a letter from a parking meter company that wants to talk to council  (they’re not scheduled to speak,)

Next letter is about potholes in alley. Standard fare, except for the writer has a terrific name: Almabella Mascarina.

p. 381 is comment about River Landing or whatever that fiasco thing is down by Victoria Bridge. Anyways they want Douglas Cardinal to design the thing.

p. 382 is a letter that starts “Dear City Mothers and Fathers”. I am using this from now on. Anyways, the gist is, city buses are too noisy. Get on this, Pops.

Next letter is about a NEIL DIAMOND fan who encountered an unexpected street closure. Those are her caps, not mine.

Next next letter is from a guy living on Dalhousie, recommending 30 km/hr speed limit for detours through residential areas. Garnet Fehr, you are a good man.

p. 385 is from a water main break victim. I can empathize. I wish the City would pave over roadwork when it is completed and not just fill it with gravel. Anyways, get on this, Moms and Dads.

People are driving in Kinsmen Park. Apparently we do not have enough roads in this city as it is.

Comment on Montgomery routes, asking for more service on Saturdays. Well that’s a welcome change.

Next letter is about the dearth of recreational opportunities available to younger disabled children.

Next letter is about people who ride their bikes on the bridge sidewalk. Anyways, she won’t read this but the bylaw states you can ride on the bridge sidewalk but must dismount to pass people who are walking in the same direction. Normally I ride on the deck on Broadway Bridge but I’ll cop to using the sidewalk on University since it’s so damn inconvenient (and dangerous) to go down College Drive.

Next letter is about buffer strip changes and is directed to Councillor Donauer. The letter writer is not happy with the earlier response from the august representative of Ward 5.

Sherbrooke Community Centre wants to buy the lane.

OK, now we’re onto the Day/Week/Month declarations. Thank God, I can go back to bed.

NOO IT’S THE ZONING CHANGES AGAIN

wait this is for a different area. River Landing, west of the Buckwold bridge.

p. 442 is the Adult Services Licensing Amendment Bylaw and a rehash of said Adult Services Licensing bylaw.

p. 451 is a nice little diagram of the median closure on Idylwyld and 25th.

And that’s it. Dear God, the Broadway 360 did not make a re-appearance. Good night, moon. Good night, Mummies. Good night, Daddies.

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