463 pages. I’m not feeling particularly funny tonight but I’ll give it a whack anyways, see what falls out.

Jennifer Hueser has won a scholarship; so have Kourtney and Krista Fesser. Also we have won a Planning Excellence Award, hopefully not for Willowgrove.

Welp here’s our first big whammy. Right away too, not buried in the back. They want to re-establish the debt limit for the City at $414 million.

INT. DAY

HENRY DAYDAY sits at a dining room table, alone. He is playing tic-tac-toe on a yellow legal pad against himself. He jerks upright; his shoulders convulse and his hands close into fists, breaking the pencil. The fit passes. Glancing around, he reaches up to comb his hair back into place. Only then does he look down and see, written on the pad, “414000000”.

Ha ha, just kidding. This is Business as Usual. I know this because under “FINANCIAL IMPACT” it says “There is no financial impact”. Actually here are the rest of the options. (Hot tip: there are no options.)

OPTIONS TO THE RECOMMENDATION
There are no options.
POLICY IMPLICATIONS
There are no policy implications.
FINANCIAL IMPLICATIONS
There are no financial implications.
PUBLIC AND/OR STAKEHOLDER INVOLVEMENT
There is no public or stakeholder involvement.
FINANCIAL IMPACT
There is no financial impact.
COMMUNICATION PLAN
There is no communication plan.
ENVIRONMENTAL IMPLICATIONS
There are no environmental and/or greenhouse gas implications.
PRIVACY IMPACT
There is no privacy implication.

GET IT TOGETHER, CITY.

This is the current debt limit, they just have to approve it again. Standard operating procedure. I’m not going to get into the debt stuff here since I am not qualified or inclined to discuss it at this moment. I just hope everyone knows what they are doing.

Some land use applications, page 6. Condos going in Marquis Industrial…wait, what? Where? Blairmore, oh, and a care home for Evergreen (for a numbered company). Darcy’s 23rd Street Service wants to expand to a neighbouring lot. Willowgrove might be getting a care home. Something on 7th St which I think came up earlier this year. And some subdivisions out in Fairhaven. Subdivision subdivision subdivision, more things you may care about if you live near 115 Willowgrove Crescent, 908 Sask Crescent, 625 52nd St E, 418, 502 and 510 51st street east, or 132 and 140 Idylwyld Drive North.

What, another page of subdivisions? OK, I am just jumping to the letters now. We’ll return to page 9 of the fractally-inspired requests later.

***
Heh, heh. Those were some great letters. Great! Actually just OK. No jumping green men. Lots of flouride. Poor Mr Jorgenson.
***

One of the subdivision requests is for 112 109th St West, I wonder if that was the unfortunate arson target earlier this week. (I bet the City approves the request anyways.)

p 12 is the Naming Report. Rosewood is getting “Jeanneau Way”. Yes,  you heard that right. In case you didn’t hear it, I suggest you say it out loud. I imagine the city naming committee is just standing around in a circle at this point, giving each other high-fives. Kolynchuk, Pringle, Dawes, and Veltkamp are the other names. FYI “Pringle Bend” is forever going to be referred to as “Hyperbolic Paraboloid” in this household. Page 13 is the start of the bios, if you wanted to Jeanneau more.

p. 13 Please stop naming streets “Manor”. Your house may be a pressed-cornflake castle but that doesn’t mean you get to pretend it’s an estate. You know what, I will amend that. You can pretend it’s an estate, and I get to judge you.

[cornflakes break]

Section B on page 15. Here’s the corporate services. DynaIndustrial (all one word) would like to have a tax break for their building expansion. So would Deca Industries. In case you were wondering how this ties in with the Strategic Plan, it falls under the Economic Diversity and Prosperity section. Specifically, the part where it “demonstrates the City’s commitment to a business or industry”. The city has put a price tag on this commitment at $38,000 of deferred taxes.

p. 18 I think is about issuing some bonds. [Googles] OK yes, “debenture” is, according to Wikipedia, “a document that either creates a debt or acknowledges it and it is a debt without collateral.” (You can all stop shouting definitions at your screen now.) This falls under the city’s Strategic Goal of Investing in What Matters (itself). The AAA credit rating is also mentioned in here. Gee, I sure hope those guys at S&P are on the up and up.  The Administration would like to use the bond money to get a UV disinfection system, a new water intake, a sludge recovery facility and a standby generator, among others. Aaaand the Circle Drive South River Crossing (land purchase). That’s 18 mil for that piece of land, in case you missed that whole, er, plotline.

The city should issue more bonds, really. Call them “Saskatoon Shares”. We could be the first publicly-owned city…wait.

p. 22 is the IBEW contract changes. No, it is not. It is a thing announcing the contract changes but not the contract itself. That is later in this PDF. Sorry to get you all excited there, just keep sharpening your union-bashing sticks.

p. 23 involves the Food Bank Drive, some tasteful signs, and Robin Bellamy. He is back at work and wants modifications to the temporary sign bylaw so he can put up some signs advertising the Food Drive. The administration points out that if they change the bylaw for Mr Bellamy’s initiative they have to change it for all charitable organizations. It doesn’t look good for Mr Bellamy. And there’s another solid 4 months before better biking weather. I am not sure how he will manage to advertise this event without boulevard signs, but I suspect Mr Bellamy is a man of many talents.

p. 25 is the results of Bev Dubois’ inquiry into the intersection of Muzyka and Stensrud – whether it requires a four-way stop. In case Ms Dubois is reading this, no, it does not qualify for a four-way stop. They are putting in a rodeo clown barrel – sorry, a traffic-calming island – and a “standard crosswalk”. I can’t offer any personal experience at that intersection aside from the fact I had a delightful time sliding through it last week.

p. 28 The city is finally closing the walkway between Fairlight Drive and Stone Court. This falls under the Strategic Goal of “Quality of Life”, whereas the “long-term strategy” is to “reduce and prevent crime and provide protective services in our downtown core and neighbourhoods.” (Curiously, they do not cite another portion of the Strategic Plan. The “Moving Around” goal emphasizes the importance of connectivity for all travel modes, especially ones that encourage walking and cycling.) It will cost $6000 to close this walkway.

Here is the offending walkway:

From the Google Maps aerial view it looks like they’ve already closed it. That was quick. (Zoom in for maximum effect)

Speaking as someone who uses walkways a fair bit, I’m glad I read the full agenda. Otherwise, unless it’s on my street, I would not know about closures until it happened, and I’d be forced to walk several blocks out of my way. I live on a cul-de-suck [sic totally intended] and I must walk 3 blocks out of my way to go anywhere north of where I live, thanks to the trailer park. I have to walk through the trailer park anyways! We might as well put a walkway through. Personally I’m more terrified of the people on the next street over who view the sidewalks as convenient vehicle storage. I was nearly mashed by an individual who drove nose in up onto the sidewalk rather than parallel park in the usual fashion. This was not anywhere near a driveway, by the way.

p 35 Lane is closing at Weldon Avenue. Oof it’s taken me two hours to get this far. I must be more succinct up in here.

p. 37 onto the highly contentious closure of Range Road 3045 between Keedwell and Agra. (Fun fact, I typed that Rage Road and it’s not entirely unsuitable, see comments/letters from residents to be revealed later in this agenda.) I know Keedwell, it’s the street I kept going the wrong way on while trying to find my sister’s new domicile in Willowgrove, the Area That Must Not Be Named Because It Isn’t Named Because of the Stupid Naming System. Yes, I am still mad about that evening. Fortunately the closure of Rage Road is no longer contentious since they finished the extension of McOrmond Drive. Also fun fact: I did not know there was a group of rugged individualists, living off the land north of Evergreen along the river banks.

Aerial view of survivalist hamlet, complete with bouncy castle (again, zoom in for max effect):

This recommendation has “positive greenhouse gas emissions implications” as “traffic will not be able to access the closed road”. Permit me a moment of high-horseyness here as I say that closing this section of road will not make the residents of Riversedge reconsider the drive into town. They will just take the other route. On the other hand, I know a way we can instantly reduce most, if not all, of our greenhouse gas emissions from vehicles. I suspect it may not be very popular but you’ll get used to it soon enough. Although those of us who live within walking distance of Costco may benefit more than others. Which reminds me, I must look into a sled suitable for grocery-hauling. I live 1.8 km from a grocery store and it’s completely unacceptable to me that I have to drive there. Also I want a sled for when the apocalypse happens. Related: I have been reading accounts of the gas shortage in NYC today and I want no part of that scene. $20-100 per gallon? Fights?

[we now pause while I set up a Kijiji alert for “skis AND OR sled AND OR snowshoes”]

[700 ads about snowmobiles later]

I’m going to end it here, because now I am going to upgrade my current x-c setup by contacting strangers on the internet and convincing them I am not the usual flaky Kijiji buyer. $80 will upgrade my current x-c setup into something that’s only 2.5-3 decades old, as opposed to a solid 4.

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